review SOP

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naimulmamun
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Joined: Thu Dec 12, 2019 6:51 am

review SOP

Post by naimulmamun » Wed Jan 22, 2020 5:58 am

Please, review my SOP. Since I have no undergrad thesis or research paper, I have to deal with a bunch of online material. I am very much afraid of its quality. I will not include the heading of those paragraphs.
Last edited by naimulmamun on Thu Aug 06, 2020 8:22 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Nishikata
Posts: 241
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Re: review SOP

Post by Nishikata » Wed Jan 22, 2020 11:25 am

your SOP counts at 1300 words. That's way too long. Can you cut it to below 1000 words?
I think most universities has a recommended cutoff of 2 pages or 1000 words limit.

You may be able to trim it by making the SOP more realistic.
Not everyone has a special moment to like physics, so maybe no need for a very detailed story too.

jabennett2194
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Re: review SOP

Post by jabennett2194 » Wed Jan 22, 2020 12:24 pm

If the university doesn't have a word count, there is no reason to restrict to 1000 words. You put yourself at a disadvantage if they explicitly don't have a word limit, and you leave out important info because you're trying to be concise.

naimulmamun
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Re: review SOP

Post by naimulmamun » Wed Jan 22, 2020 12:38 pm

jabennett2194 wrote:
Wed Jan 22, 2020 12:24 pm
If the university doesn't have a word count, there is no reason to restrict to 1000 words. You put yourself at a disadvantage if they explicitly don't have a word limit, and you leave out important info because you're trying to be concise.
I really concern about the words, since I have to finish it within 2 pages. But I just want to learn about the quality of the SOP and what should I do in it?

naimulmamun
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Joined: Thu Dec 12, 2019 6:51 am

Re: review SOP

Post by naimulmamun » Wed Jan 22, 2020 12:39 pm

Nishikata wrote:
Wed Jan 22, 2020 11:25 am
your SOP counts at 1300 words. That's way too long. Can you cut it to below 1000 words?
I think most universities has a recommended cutoff of 2 pages or 1000 words limit.

You may be able to trim it by making the SOP more realistic.
Not everyone has a special moment to like physics, so maybe no need for a very detailed story too.
I really concern about the words, since I have to finish it within 2 pages. But I just want to learn about the quality of the SOP and what should I do in it?

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Nishikata
Posts: 241
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Re: review SOP

Post by Nishikata » Wed Jan 22, 2020 1:41 pm

Depends on the university of course, but generally reading an essay that is longer than 1000 words is taking a lot of time so they may just skim it anyway.

being concise does not necessarily mean leaving important things out, most of the times it is the vocabulary, phrasing and structural issue.

geekusprimus
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Re: review SOP

Post by geekusprimus » Wed Jan 22, 2020 2:16 pm

A couple things:

1. Personal stories, particularly from early childhood, are generally frowned upon in a statement of purpose. Follow the guidelines of the school you're applying to, of course, but it should be focused on what your interests are, what your previous qualifications are (generally research, but work with what you've got), and why you're interested in that particular school. Sometimes they might request you to talk a little bit about why you want to go to graduate school, or what your end career goals are, but be concise and save the personal stories for another time.

2. Proofread. There are a lot of spelling and grammatical typos (there, they're, and their, for example, or incorrect/oddly used prepositions). This is the best opportunity you have on the application to brag about yourself and tell the admissions committee that you're exactly who they're looking for (don't say that, though; it looks bad), and a poorly written letter containing grammatical errors not common in spoken English says that you'll have a hard time communicating on a day-to-day basis.

throwaway2468
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Re: review SOP

Post by throwaway2468 » Fri Jan 24, 2020 4:05 am

geekusprimus wrote:
Wed Jan 22, 2020 2:16 pm
A couple things:

1. Personal stories, particularly from early childhood, are generally frowned upon in a statement of purpose. Follow the guidelines of the school you're applying to, of course, but it should be focused on what your interests are, what your previous qualifications are (generally research, but work with what you've got), and why you're interested in that particular school. Sometimes they might request you to talk a little bit about why you want to go to graduate school, or what your end career goals are, but be concise and save the personal stories for another time.

2. Proofread. There are a lot of spelling and grammatical typos (there, they're, and their, for example, or incorrect/oddly used prepositions). This is the best opportunity you have on the application to brag about yourself and tell the admissions committee that you're exactly who they're looking for (don't say that, though; it looks bad), and a poorly written letter containing grammatical errors not common in spoken English says that you'll have a hard time communicating on a day-to-day basis.
This is excellent feedback, but I don't think point 2 is blunt enough. This essay alone might very well get you rejected from every school in America you apply to. It is unfair that English is the language of science and that native speakers have a huge advantage, but the fact is your homework, exams, publications, and thesis will all need to be written in English. If you want to get in somewhere, you will need to have someone who is fluent edit all elements of your application (CV, Essay, anything with sentences). If you want to actually do well during your PhD, you will need to improve your written English.

I hate to seem rude but looking back it would have been nice for my professors to have given me equally frank feedback about my research experience. This person's future is on the line, it is important to be clear. Besides, this is a very fixable issue! Have someone edit everything now, and long term work on your writing skills.

naimulmamun
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Dec 12, 2019 6:51 am

Re: review SOP

Post by naimulmamun » Fri Jan 24, 2020 8:49 am

throwaway2468 wrote:
Fri Jan 24, 2020 4:05 am
geekusprimus wrote:
Wed Jan 22, 2020 2:16 pm
A couple things:

1. Personal stories, particularly from early childhood, are generally frowned upon in a statement of purpose. Follow the guidelines of the school you're applying to, of course, but it should be focused on what your interests are, what your previous qualifications are (generally research, but work with what you've got), and why you're interested in that particular school. Sometimes they might request you to talk a little bit about why you want to go to graduate school, or what your end career goals are, but be concise and save the personal stories for another time.

2. Proofread. There are a lot of spelling and grammatical typos (there, they're, and their, for example, or incorrect/oddly used prepositions). This is the best opportunity you have on the application to brag about yourself and tell the admissions committee that you're exactly who they're looking for (don't say that, though; it looks bad), and a poorly written letter containing grammatical errors not common in spoken English says that you'll have a hard time communicating on a day-to-day basis.
This is excellent feedback, but I don't think point 2 is blunt enough. This essay alone might very well get you rejected from every school in America you apply to. It is unfair that English is the language of science and that native speakers have a huge advantage, but the fact is your homework, exams, publications, and thesis will all need to be written in English. If you want to get in somewhere, you will need to have someone who is fluent edit all elements of your application (CV, Essay, anything with sentences). If you want to actually do well during your PhD, you will need to improve your written English.

I hate to seem rude but looking back it would have been nice for my professors to have given me equally frank feedback about my research experience. This person's future is on the line, it is important to be clear. Besides, this is a very fixable issue! Have someone edit everything now, and long term work on your writing skills.
please suggest me on which particular points I need to develop or whether I should totally change the SOP and rewrite it. I do not have any thesis or research experience to deal with. I am very much worried about the quality of my SOP. I know that I have to work a lot on it and so I posted it in the group to have better suggestions.Since I do not have any experience, I only write about 2 online courses that I took. I am very much disappointed with your reviews and I know that I have to work on it but what I need some specific points so that I can develop them or rewrite I again.

throwaway2468
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2017 9:10 pm

Re: review SOP

Post by throwaway2468 » Fri Jan 24, 2020 9:50 am

naimulmamun wrote:
Fri Jan 24, 2020 8:49 am
throwaway2468 wrote:
Fri Jan 24, 2020 4:05 am
geekusprimus wrote:
Wed Jan 22, 2020 2:16 pm
A couple things:

1. Personal stories, particularly from early childhood, are generally frowned upon in a statement of purpose. Follow the guidelines of the school you're applying to, of course, but it should be focused on what your interests are, what your previous qualifications are (generally research, but work with what you've got), and why you're interested in that particular school. Sometimes they might request you to talk a little bit about why you want to go to graduate school, or what your end career goals are, but be concise and save the personal stories for another time.

2. Proofread. There are a lot of spelling and grammatical typos (there, they're, and their, for example, or incorrect/oddly used prepositions). This is the best opportunity you have on the application to brag about yourself and tell the admissions committee that you're exactly who they're looking for (don't say that, though; it looks bad), and a poorly written letter containing grammatical errors not common in spoken English says that you'll have a hard time communicating on a day-to-day basis.
This is excellent feedback, but I don't think point 2 is blunt enough. This essay alone might very well get you rejected from every school in America you apply to. It is unfair that English is the language of science and that native speakers have a huge advantage, but the fact is your homework, exams, publications, and thesis will all need to be written in English. If you want to get in somewhere, you will need to have someone who is fluent edit all elements of your application (CV, Essay, anything with sentences). If you want to actually do well during your PhD, you will need to improve your written English.

I hate to seem rude but looking back it would have been nice for my professors to have given me equally frank feedback about my research experience. This person's future is on the line, it is important to be clear. Besides, this is a very fixable issue! Have someone edit everything now, and long term work on your writing skills.
please suggest me on which particular points I need to develop or whether I should totally change the SOP and rewrite it. I do not have any thesis or research experience to deal with. I am very much worried about the quality of my SOP. I know that I have to work a lot on it and so I posted it in the group to have better suggestions.Since I do not have any experience, I only write about 2 online courses that I took. I am very much disappointed with your reviews and I know that I have to work on it but what I need some specific points so that I can develop them or rewrite I again.
My point was not about what you are saying but how you are saying it. Throughout the essay there are many grammar/language mistakes. It 'doesn't read well.' This is not something you can fix on your own, you need someone who knows English well enough to detect mistakes in grammar etc. I can take a closer look at it if you like but it would be better if you know someone personally so they can review your CV too.

Sorry, I should not have used the term English, which indeed can refer to what you are saying. There is a different idea between how well you put together essays and whether or not the language/words/sentences are correct. I understand you are in a difficult spot with regards to what to write about, but my point was not about that. No matter how high your TOEFL is, and no matter what you end up saying or writing about in your essay, the grammar and word structure in this essay is an indication that you are not able to write correct (not necessarily good, but right) English.

Again, don't be too discouraged by this! Short term it is an easy fix.

Mizar
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed Dec 18, 2019 8:54 pm

Re: review SOP

Post by Mizar » Fri Jan 24, 2020 12:24 pm

naimulmamun wrote:
Fri Jan 24, 2020 8:49 am
please suggest me on which particular points I need to develop or whether I should totally change the SOP and rewrite it. I do not have any thesis or research experience to deal with. I am very much worried about the quality of my SOP. I know that I have to work a lot on it and so I posted it in the group to have better suggestions.Since I do not have any experience, I only write about 2 online courses that I took. I am very much disappointed with your reviews and I know that I have to work on it but what I need some specific points so that I can develop them or rewrite I again.
I do not think you need to totally change the SOP, but I agree with the others that you need to focus heavily on your English fluency. Here's your first paragraph, edited by a fluent speaker:
A few years ago I was browsing the Internet when I came across a video of a man with a big mustache talking about the universe. I can still remember his last words: “When I look up at the night sky, I know that yes we are part of this universe, we are in this universe. But perhaps more important than both of those facts is that the universe is in us. Many people feel small, because they are small, and the universe is big. But I feel big because my atoms came from those stars.” Neil Degrasse Tyson’s words in that moment gave me goosebumps, and I watched the video 10 times in a row, all the while thinking how my atoms had come from those stars. I began searching for more information on the topic, and what I discovered was that, yes, this is my destination. I was born to explore the origin and evolution of the universe.
In addition to fixing the grammatical issues, you'll notice the edited version is much more concise. You want to focus on being more concise throughout your SOP. For instance, your second paragraph contains several sentences that are essentially just laundry lists of all the topics you've learned about. While it might seem like a good idea to list everything you've learned, it is a better idea to pick a few of the most important or interesting-to-you topics and find some way of convincing the reader that you have more than just a cursory understanding of the topic. Along these lines, try to work into this paragraph what you can do, not just what you've learned about and find interesting. I know you said you don't have any research experience. Can you briefly explain in your SOP why this is the case? Can you think of another way of convincing graduate programs that you would be successful at research despite not having any experience? What you can do is more important to a graduate program than just what you find interesting.

Can you talk a bit more about Jagannath University? It is likely graduate school committees in the US and Canada haven't heard of your institution (though I don't really know, to be honest). How big was the physics department, and how did you do compared with your peers?

Programming skills: Do you have a GitHub account? If not, set one up and start publishing your code there. Include the URL to your GitHub page in your SOP so graduate committees can see for themselves that you know how to code. Not sure they'll actually look at your code, but at least you would be putting it out there for them to see. This is the area where you actually have some relevant experience, so make sure you do more than just tell your reader what you've learned about coding. Also, rework this sentence: "Although my undergraduate syllabus contained a programming course including C, FORTRAN, and MATLAB, I think those were not up to the mark to deal with." This sentence makes it sound like your undergraduate education was subpar, and you don't want that. Avoid any suggestion that your undergrad education wasn't good enough. A simple recasting of the sentence would do the trick: "My undergraduate curriculum included a programming course that covered C, FORTRAN, and MATLAB, where I learned how to ... Wanting to further develop my programming skills, I took an additional course in MATLAB where I ..."

I hope you find my feedback helpful. You are clearly passionate and committed to your field of interest. I think you deserve to be successful at your dream, so keep working at it.

cat_mama
Posts: 21
Joined: Fri Nov 22, 2019 12:07 pm

Re: review SOP

Post by cat_mama » Thu Jan 30, 2020 8:14 pm

Since I'm feeling a little emboldened by the acceptances coming my way, here's my two cents:

Overall:
Like Nishikata said, the SoP is way too long, especially since the bulk of the essay is fluff that needs to go away. My longest SoP clocked in at 1200 words (2 pages, 12 pt, letter paper with 1 in margin). Most schools I applied to had a hard limit of 1000 words, which was about 1.3 pages for me. Also, as geekusprimus said, personal stories/early childhood is definitely a bad idea in a SoP. In fact, Cornell even put "Do not discuss your early childhood" in their SoP prompt :lol:

Content:
I think the entire SoP could benefit from a rewrite. A SoP doesn't need a hook, but a clarity of your goals, your desirable skills demonstrated in your preparations, and any additional cool (relevant) things about you. The "hook" of my SoPs ranged from just a single sentence about what I want to do (I want a .. PhD focusing on ..) to additional 2 sentences highlighting my qualities that I think makes me a good PhD student.
Half or even more than half of the SoP should highlights your desirable qualities without repeating your resume. Focus on specific experiences, with the technical detail summarized into 1 or 2 sentences and the rest focusing on how certain things you did demonstrate these awesome qualities.
Now, if you hold identities marginalized in science AND have done relevant advocacy work that can be tied into being a good scientist, spending 1 paragraph--maximum 2 short paragraphs--detailing your contributions could be worthwhile. Just randomly saying that you hold these identities is probably a negative, which is why I put that AND there.
Conclusion should ideally be about why you want to go to this specific school. This requires a lot of research about the school, the character of research performed there, etc. and is highly individualized, both to the applicant and to the school.



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